it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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