I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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