dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
