Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
