It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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