best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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