I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
