Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
