saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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