College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
