just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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