When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
