I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
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Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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