I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
