Where are you?
In a non slutty way
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
