Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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