Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.

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(407): View more from Florida

And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."

(407): View more from Florida

That's called being sensitive.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(575): View more from New Mexico

Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.

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(847): View more from Illinois

That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...

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(912): View more from Georgia

Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

If those panties could talk.

(407): View more from Florida

"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."

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