people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."