I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!