Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Drunk walkin through police station. America
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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