I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
