At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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