I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
