Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
