I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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