Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize