I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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