So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
