As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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