How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
