he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
