I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
