i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
