I molested 6 butterflies tonight
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
