You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
