Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
