We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
