So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he quoted the bible to break up with me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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