those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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