the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
