I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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