A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
