2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
