his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
