Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
