He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
17 year olds will be the death of me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
