she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
