The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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