Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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