If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
