please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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