When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
