I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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