I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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