The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
