So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
