this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
