Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER