I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang