Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.