Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
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I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.