I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
