My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
