I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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