Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
