It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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