what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
