i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
