An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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