Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I forget how to act sober
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