Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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