Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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