yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
