He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
