The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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