she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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