Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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