just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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