god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
