i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
